You've Been Gilmored
by namelessjen
Summary: Jess and Rory are working on it. That's all that matters.
1. Chapter 1

"Mommy! Mommy!" A little girl tugged at the hem of Rory's dress. She looked down at the small child and gasped, she was a mother? When did this happen? She felt trapped, scared and needed to get out of there. "Mommy!" The little girl whined, and Rory woke up, to a pitch black bedroom, Jess laying beside her on his stomach, fast asleep.

She calmed herself down, realising it was only a dream, trust her to freak out over being a mother, she wasn't even the pregnant Gilmore. She tucked herself back into the coverrs, and tried to forget all about it.

The next thing Rory knew, Jess' alarm clock was ringing in her ears, she could hear him fumbling over to her side of the bed to switch it off. The idea was always that if it were on her side, He would have to get out of bed to turn it off, that way they would have to wake up whether they liked it or not. He kissed her nose, she crinkled it up, begging him not to turn the light on, but it was too late, the noise was gone but the light was just as bad. "No, five more minutes." She begged him, trying to hide under the blankets.

"Nice try, you're the one who promised to come with me to my session, remember?" He teased, pulling her out from the blankets. "Unless you want to cancel all future appointments?" He asked, hoping she would just agree to that for the exchange of the lights being switched back off.

"Nope." She shook her head, climbing out of bed. "But I get the first shower." She told him, walking down the hall to their bedroom. She hated having seperate bedroom and bathroom, but until her book was published, there was no way they could afford a bigger apartment, with an ensuite.

"I'll get the coffee ready." He agreed, walking the opposite direction towards their kitchen. On a usual morning, Jess would awake to the sound of his alarm, turn the darn thing off and get ready for work, by the time he was ready to leave. Rory would have woken up fully, and have been ready for coffee. He would eat his breakfast along side her with her coffee, before kissing her goodbye and leaving for the day. Whatever Rory did, was unknown to him, he knew she was writing her book, but she wouldn't let him read it. Not til it's finished as she would always say.

"Jess!" He heard his girlfriend yelling from the bathroom, he ran up the hall to find her standing in the doorway naked, she looked upset but he didn't really know why. "When was the last time we.." She asked, counting on her fingers.

He frowned, "I don't know?" He thought about it, going through the dates in his mind. "Two, maybe three weeks ago?" He guessed, its not like he kept a tally or anything. He didn't need to, they were intimate enough in his opinion, he had nothing to complain about.

"Three weeks?" She repeated, counting on her fingers. "Oh no." She wailed, before slamming the door in his face. He stood there stupidly for no less than thirty seconds. "Rory?" He knocked on the door.

She opened it, now wearing a towel. "I'm going to remain calm, and not think about this." She told him, walking past and into their room in search of her phone.

"No" He told her. "You're not going to do that."

"Do what?" She asked, searching through her purse for her cell phone.

"You're not going to give me broken information, and then call your mom, and tell her before me. Whatever you're worried about, you can tell me first."

She stopped and sat on the floor, looking up at him with wide eyes. "I think I'm pregnant." She told him just seconds before errupting into a fit of tears, they leaked out of her gorgeous blue eyes like a broken faucet, he sat down beside her on the floor, and wrapped his arm across her shoulders.

"It's okay, you don't know that you are for sure, we can go to a doctor if you want to. Ir's all going to be okay." He promised, kissing her forehead.

"I know." She whimpered before starting to laugh.

"What is it?" Jess asked in amusement.

"It's just, most girls would be happy by this news, and all I can think of is how I'm an unmarried 27 year old struggling writer whose mom is already pregnant." She laughed, tears still falling, but they weren't fresh.

Jess chuckled. "You're not a struggling writer, you're so far from struggling, the writing is the one struggling because you're going so hard."

She laughed. "We're not kid people Jess."

"Maybe we are, maybe we just haven't been exposed to that yet." He shrugged.

"I really hope that it's just a scare, does that make me a bad person?"

"You couldn't be a bad person if you tried."

Dr Bishop had just welcomed the young couple into her room, Jess held his hand against Rory's back as if leading her in protectively. She noticed this as she watched how the couple interacted with each other. It was obvious to anyone who saw the pair that they were in love, even the small things, the brushing of fingertips, the way they would look at each other as though they were seeing the other for the very first time. She smiled to herself, thinking of the last time someone looked at her that way.

"You must be Rory." She grinned, welcoming her in. The couple sat down on the sofa opposite her, Rory folded her hands into her lap and Jess lounged out a bit, making himself more comfortable.

"Yes" Rory nodded. "Nice to meet you." She replied warmly, leaning back into Jess' body. They fit like a puzzle, the pair of them sitting there. It was just the way they were. She watched the couple a little longer, waiting for them to settle in.

"Jess tells me that you met in your home town."

"Stars Hollow." Rory nodded, "he wasn't too fond of the place at first, but now I think he sees it's charm."

"I'm right here." Jess reminded them.

"I'm just catching her up to where we are."

"He doesn't like people talking about him while he's in the room, able to talk for himself. Right Jess?" Rory turned to him.

"Right." He agreed.

"Alright well, Jess. Why don't you tell Rory what we've been talking about the past two sessions."

He glared at her slightly before shrugging it off. "She's been asking me about our parents mostly." He explained.

"Is that why you asked me to talk to you before my mom?" Rory questioned him, leaning up to look at his face.

"Something like that."

"Aww, you're actually getting something out of this." She cooed.

Old Jess would have rolled his eyes, maybe told her to shut up, old Jess might have even walked out, but this Jess say there, squeezed Rory's hand and shrugged. "That's what I'm here for isn't it?" He asked her and she smiled.

"Yes"

Dr Bishop smiled again, observing the pair. "You're probably wondering why I asked the both of you here this time." She started off. "A part of Jess' journey involves you and your relationship. From what he has told me, and what I can see here in front of me, you are both very much in love with each other."

"I'll drink to that." Rory agreed.

"Jess has also mentioned briefly about a time when you weren't together."

"We dated in high school, and things changed, we dated other people but somehow ended up back together."

"She means, I was a stupid 17 year old that was too scared to tell her I flunked out of school, while she was being accepted into Harvard and Yale. So I ran away." Jess explained bluntly.

"Well personally, I wouldn't have put it that way, but that sums some of it up." Rory added.

"What was it like being apart from each other?" Dr Bishop asked them both.

Rory looked up at Jess and Jess down at Rory.

"I was heartbroken." She said honestly, looking down at the floor sadly.

Jess sighed. "I was an angry person, I was mad at myself for being in that situation, and madder at how I handled it all."

"The running away part or the hurting Rory part?"

"My running away was what hurt her, so both."

"If I understood why he left, maybe I could have helped him or told him I loved him." Rory squeezed Jess' knee as she spoke. "But he left and I was so scared that I had done something wrong, but I hadn't. I didn't know that back then, until he came back."

"You came back?" Dr Bishop asked Jess.

Jess didn't want to talk about this, he felt trapped, like he had been ambushed. He knew the only way out would be to talk about it despite his uneasy feeling, believing that this could make things go sour between he and Rory, he didn't want to open old wounds but he had to. "I came back because I couldn't stand it anymore. My dad never wanted me at his place, and I didn't really want to be there. The only place that felt like home was with my uncle, where Rory lived, but I didn't know what I left behind. I didn't think that she would still be upset at me, but I needed to tell her the truth, so I followed her and I told her that I loved her, and the look on her face was enough of an answer for me back then."

"The look on my face?" Rory asked him as if it were news to her.

"The look that said "I don't trust this guy." You looked at me like you'd seen a ghost, like I had died and come back life, like you were torn between happy that I'm alive, and angry that I left."

"I was. I had practised things I would say to you if I saw you again, and when you were there, when you said that. They all disappears. I forgot all about them."

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are. I forgave you a long time ago Jess."

"I forgave myself too."

It had been years since they'd seen each other, Rory had travelled, she had been writing for magazines here and there, newspapers, online publishings but she hadn't felt the same spark she had when she was writing at Yale. Writing had been her passion for so many years and it still was, just not in the way it used to be. She was waiting in a little café, for the man she had been thinking an awful lot about in that time period, and there he was in the doorway, he scanned the room for her before she waved him down. He smiled and made his way over. "Hey Rory."

He sat down opposite her, their knees knocked awkwardly, she already has a cup of coffee, it was her second. "Jess." She whispered happily. "It's been so long, you have to tell me all about your new book." She prompted, he started talking about his second book, which had a larger success than the first. He told her about the writers he had been introduced to, the things he had learnt, and the places he had been. She told him about her travels and her articles, who had published her, who hadn't. She told him about her new dream, to write a novel, to be an author. He was completely on board with the idea, telling her that he could introduce her to his publisher.

They moved on from there, started seeing each other regularly, she would visit him at his job, now working in New York as an editor. He read more books than he could remember, some were incredible and others needed to be redirected. His job was something he loved and something he was good at, and he wanted Rory to do the same thing for herself.

He helped her with her first book, a humorous guide to surviving an Ivy League college, it was most popular in ebook form, college students across the country were always sending her emails and Facebook messages telling her how much they loved her book, and how they couldn't wait for another. Rory wanted to dig deeper, she wanted to write from the heart and to reach out to more people. She wanted to challenge herself and this time was different to the last, she was writing about her own life, her ups and downs with love, her ups and downs with her parents and her struggles as a person. She was writing a novel about Rory Gilmore. She hadn't let anyone read a single section of her book, whenever Jess tried to sneak a look she would slam her laptop shut. This was her baby, the only baby she could handle right now.

Jess still treasured the day they got back together, it wasn't out of the blue, it wasn't a moment of passion, it fell into place the way it was meant to. They were celebrating the success of her first book when he asked her the question, "Do you want to move in with me?"

Rory hadn't known what to say, on one hand it felt like they were together and the other hand, there had been no confirmation of them being a couple, no kisses, no touches, no sex. They had just been friends, and even though Rory knew in her heart that her and Jess had never been "just friends" she didn't know if he was feeling the same as her, or if he had just thought they were something else, she reached up onto her top toes and kissed him, he wrapped one arm around her waist and his other hand cupped her chin as they kissed and kissed until they needed to come up for air, she gasped, playing with his hair. "I want to move in." She told him with a breathless laugh.

Now sitting in the psychologist's office hand in hand, they were being asked about their past, to make sure they had a future.

"This exercise is about listening to each other and trusting one another. I want you to both come up with three things that you either like about your relationship or that you want to change. How about Rory, you start and you can both alternate."

Rory turned to face Jess, feeling a little silly. "Okay, I don't really know where to start, so I guess I'll say something I like. Jess, I really like and appreciate how you see past my crazies, you don't question my diet or my coffee addiction, you let me be me even when it's not what rational people might be accustomed to."

"The crazy you is the one I fell in love with."

"Your turn Jess."

"You're the only person, besides Luke who has pushed me to be a better person. Everyone else has just accepted me as who I am, as if I can never amount to anything more."

"You've come so far. I'm so proud of you."

"You're the one who I thought about every day, who pushed me to grow up and to be a man."

"Don't tell Luke that, he thinks it's all him." Rory joked.

"Is it my turn again?" She asked, pondering on what she could say. "Um, this morning, I liked it how you told me that I couldn't shut you out and tell my mom instead of you. I know that I do that sometimes, I don't mean to. It's just I've grown up with my mom, and she's been there for me all this time, the only person that I could trust like that. It's not that I don't trust you, it's just that she's been my life line since before I was even born. I'm really going to try and let you in more."

"Thank you." He nodded, caressing her hand with his fingers.

"I really want to read your book, but you won't let me."

"It's not that I won't let you, I just want it to be perfect since you're in it. I want it to be up to standard before you look."

"It will be better than any standards anyone could have. You'll knock it out of the park Rory."

"I hope so."

"I know so."

The rest of the session was all about trust, they were asked questions, and were able to open up more about things in their past, and present that they hadn't been talking about. Their session ended, and both Rory and Jess felt like they had gotten somewhere, like they understood each other and where they stood a little better. They were learning things that only helped them understand each other more.

''Did you want to go to the doctor today? Or..talk to your mom first?" Jess asked Rory as they walked out the front, Rory sighed, thinking it over. "I would rather not go alone, and since you're working for the rest of the week, I really need you there with me. Whether its good or bad news, and I'm still not entirely sure which would be good and which would be bad just yet, either way. I want you there with me."

"You're choosing me over your mom?" He asked, feeling special.

She nodded. "Not that it's a matter of you over her, it's just this is more your business than it is hers."

"I'll call a cab."


	2. Chapter 2

Jess tried to calculate it, the last time they had sex. He couldn't pinpoint it for the life of him. He was sitting beside Rory in the waiting room, her head was in a magazine she was reading it to keep her mind off why they were there. He couldn't concentrate because his mind kept going back to the how rather than the what. He remembered a time when he had come home early from work to surprise her with roses, it was the anniversary of their first kiss, the same anniversary of Sookie and Jackson's wedding. Rory was on the phone with her mother when he walked in the door, she was asking her mom about that very same day, for her book he had assumed. He pointed to the flowers, and Rory mouthed to him a location of a vase, he didn't even know they had a vase but apparently they did.

He was filling it with water when Rory came up behind him. "Are they for me?" She had cooed in his ear, he spun around with a smile. "No, they're for Stevie Knicks." He teased, Stevie Knicks was the name Rory had given to a pigeon who particularly liked to perch out on their balcony. Rory had deemed the bird their pet, she liked the idea of an unofficial pet. No responsibility, just a mutual respect as she liked to call it.

"I'm sure she will love to nibble on these." Rory played along, wrapping her arms around him. "So..."

"So" Jess repeated.

"You're home early, not a lot going on in the office huh?"

He shook his head. "I thought there would be more going on at home."

"Nope, just me and my bird, nobody else wanted to show up to the party." She joked.

Jess cupped her face with his hands, looking her in the eye. "You're a goof." He smiled leaning in to kiss her.

He smiled at the memory, looking beside him at the girl who he had shared it with, he nudged her with shoulder. "Looks interesting." He commented, leaning in to read about the latest Kardashian drama.

"Hmm?" Rory asked, she had completely zoned out a while ago, she had been staring at the same pages for ten minutes and still hadn't read a single word. "Oh, the article...yeah interesting."

"Hey, you know whatever the outcome of this; we can deal with it, even if we have to move back to Stars Hollow."

"Jess we can't move back there, you have your job." She cried out in a loud whisper, disturbing a few people around them. She apologised before leaning in closer to Jess. "We need money if we're going to be parents."

"I can edit from home, there is this thing called the internet, maybe you've heard of it."

"If you can work from home then why do you go in to the office every day?" She asked accusingly, a little too loudly yet again.

"Because you're at home, and if we're both together trying to work we'll never get anything done. You're too much of a distraction."

"A distraction?" She hissed, not liking the sound of that.

"A temptation." He corrected himself, people were starting to glare at the pair of them, Jess turned around noticing a cranky man glaring at the them. "Do you mind? We're trying to have a conversation here." Jess snapped. "So unless you want my fiancé to self combust before she finds out if she's a mother, I suggest you turn the other cheek before I do it for you."

Rory was relieved when the man looked back down at his newspaper instead of starting further dramas.

"You didn't have to do that." She whispered.

Jess pulled her in closer underneath his arm. "Just relax, it's almost your turn."

There had been a time when Rory had given some serious thought to having kids with Jess, she just didn't think she would live up to the standard her mother had set for her, she knew the whole birthing thing had freaked her out since well forever but it was more than that. She knew every woman was a little spooked about how babies actually enter the world, through what had only been explained to her as a very painful exit. She knew that women had been doing it for years, some without any form of pain numbing medications. She was sure that she would grow out of her fears or at least they would become easier to deal with.

There was more to being a parent than the affects the child would have on her body and that's what scared her the most. Her own mother had sacrificed her life to give her everything that she could ever want or need, her mom had been more than a mother, she had been a father, a teacher, a best friend and Rory didn't know how she could possibly live up to that. Jess was wonderful, but she knew that children would test his patients, and his limits. She wasn't currently in a stable paying occupation and they weren't even married, it wasn't the situation she had planned on bringing a child into. She wanted a wedding, she wanted to be married and successful and she wanted to give her children everything they could ask for. She knew that with Jess' past with his own parents that he would give his all to be everything that they weren't. It was her that she was concerned about, she felt like she had higher expectations of herself, if her daughter stole a yacht, how would she react? If her son stayed out all night with a girl, what would she do? She wasn't sure, and even though she was a relatively good kid growing up. She didn't know how she would handle it if her kids had skipped school to see someone they weren't even dating. She didn't know what kind of parent she would be, or if her and Jess' parenting would even match up.

She couldn't sit still when she sat beside Jess in the doctor's room, she could hardly speak. Thank goodness for Jess being there or else there would have been a eerie silence floating in the room for who knows how long.

She hated doctors, or at least going to see them. She never liked the possibility of them giving you news that you might not want to hear, she hated that. That's why when they left the doctors with the promise of a phone call with the results Rory felt her impending doom lurking ahead.

"Why do they always do that?" She asked Jess on the walk out of the building. "Poke you and prod you only to have a 'call you later' result. I for one would expect dinner and a movie before any future poking." She ranted, Jess was smirking as he listened to her complaining.

"They'll call you." He promised, opening the taxi door for her, she slid in to the other side, still ranting about doctors, leaving Jess to voice their destination.

The very first time they had slept together was special to Rory. When she looked back at all of her romances, she had never experienced a particularly "special" first time with Dean or Logan, but Jess had gone out of his way to make it special for her. Some people may have thought it was cheesy, or sleazy that he had intended for them to do the deed, but to her it was everything she could have asked for. Jess somehow knew her even after all those years. He knew exactly what it would take to make her feel special. It was agreed that she would move into his apartment instead of finding a new one. She didn't exactly have the finances to find another place to live since she had just been staying with Louise rent free the past few months. She wasn't worried though, she wasn't the kind of girl who worried about the difference between moving into your boyfriends place, and moving in with your boyfriend.

To her surprise he didn't have a single snarky comment about how much stuff she had, he was actually rather helpful. She had never seen Jess wearing a sleeveless shirt before, and she had also never known that he had been working out. She admired his new set of muscular arms silently, hoping he wouldn't notice, because the truth was she was nervous and embarrassed by it.

She still hadn't seen the bedroom, boxes and boxes of her belongings were stacked all over the living room. They stood side by side admiring their hard work, they had lost count on how many elevator trips it had taken to get all of it up there.

"I didn't realise I had so much stuff, maybe I can store some of it at my mom's place. I'm sure she won't notice an extra few boxes in her garage."

"We'll make room." He told her, pulling her into a hug. "C'mere." He whispered, and the pair locked lips tenderly, Rory was familiarising herself with his lips, she remembered her teenage self feelings so nervous around him. She took in his scent, he smelt a little sweaty from all the heavy lifting but she didn't care, she smiled against the kisses, and so did he.

"The fridge is full of your favourite sugary crap. Knock yourself out." He teased, as their embrace ended.

"Ooo, yes please." She giggled, walking over to the fridge to inspect it for herself.

"I'll just got and change, I must really smell bad." He told her, running down the hall.

Rory smiled to herself, this was really happening. She was living with Jess, her sweet, brooding, moody, book loving Jess except he was more than that. He was so much more. He had transformed into this super human at least in her eyes, he had completely changed and matured and he was a real man. It made her deliriously happy and overwhelmed, she looked around his kitchen and even though she planned on never cooking there, she knew they would spend many hours of their lives in there, her watching him cook or helping herself to the fridge full of leftovers, and him cooking. She could picture it already, her feet started moving as she walked down the hallway, inspecting the bathroom she could already imagine brushing her teeth beside him, doing her hair, and showering (maybe they would do that together too.) She smiled once again at her predictions before wandering to the last door, she walked in, to find Jess. The little liar, he wasn't changing. She looked around the room, the bed was made, candles were lit. Picture frames set across the dresser, pictures of them as teenagers, baby pictures of her which he could have only gotten from her mother. She covered her mouth and her eyes started to water.

"Chocolate covered strawberries?" She asked, noticing the tray on her side of the bed, "You took something healthy and you gilmored it for me?" She smiled, walking over to kiss him.

"It's your room now too. I wanted it to be special." Rory nodded, kissing him again.

"I love you." She told him, running her hands up and down his bare arms. "I love you Jess Mariano."

It wasn't overly fancy, but it just fit. To Rory it was typical Jess, she didn't know how to explain it other than it felt right.

Dr Bishop was impressed when Jess said hello to her first at his next session, he seemed to be opening up to her a little better even if it was something as simple as a greeting. Jess was in an okay mood that morning, he seemed more relaxed than he had the last week, she didn't know if it was because Rory wasn't there or if he was just warming up to her.

They started off the session recapping the last one, Jess was listening and responding better than he had been in the previous sessions.

"Last week, Rory had been a little stressed she thought she was pregnant and we were both a little scattered." He had explained when she mentioned his new found focus.

"Did she not want to be with child?"

He shook his head. "Pregnancy and babies sort of puts her on edge. She wants things like that to happen when she can control it. That's just the way she is, she didn't want to have a baby without making a pro con list first."

"Seems like a very organised young woman."

"She can be" He laughed, thinking about the state of their apartment, Rory might be organised with decisions or categorising things but in general? She kind of just let things be. She was turning into her mother a little more everyday and Jess found it amusingly terrifying.

"So, you say she was stressed?" Dr Bishop prompted.

"Yeah she was last week, but now she's not."

"Why is that?"

"The pregnancy test came back as negative."

"Did this make you happy or were you disappointed?"

"A little of both, I don't know."

"Do you want to be a dad?"

"I think more than anything, I want to be a good dad. If Rory ever decides she wants to be a mom, I'll step up to the plate."

"Have you told her this? Maybe she wants to know that you would be there and you would be okay with being a father."

"We've talked about it a little, I think she's warming up to the idea."

"So you want kids?"

"I guess I do, someday. I am in no rush."

"You're just happy if she is?"

"Exactly."

"Do you want to know what I think?" She asked clicking her pen.

"I guess?" Jess shrugged, he didn't really mind, all he could think about was a conversation he had with Rory the night before.

"I think that one day when we're both ready, maybe we could give this kids thing a try." She had told him in bed. He had rolled over, with a smile on his face.

"Just tell me when you're ready and I'll be happy to procreate with you." He told her, before kissing her cheek and switching off the lights.

"I will." She promised.

Dr Bishop smiled. "I think you would be a great dad."


	3. Chapter 3

Jess had missed a session the previous week, but it wasn't because of the reasons you would think. Rory had sprung a surprise trip back to Stars Hollow for the both of them, she wanted to visit her mom and Jess always liked to spend time with Luke (who would have thought.) But he was back now, and he knew that Dr Bishop would be full of questions, she always was. He walked into his session, and greeted her warmly, he was still a tad standoffish but not where near where he was six weeks ago. She had seen the improvement even though it was only small things, she was glad that this young man had been improving, he had stuck her as a kind fellow who just needed to get a few of his issues in order, she had been right. He was already warming himself up, not only to polite greetings but he was talking a lot more than he had that very first session.

"Missed you last week." She told him, as he sat down across from her. He smiled sincerely, although he wasn't in the "I missed you too" stage just quite yet.

"I was our of town. Girlfriend's orders."

She smiled, "How was your trip?"

"It wasn't too bad." He shrugged, not giving her the detail she probably wanted.

"Did you get to talk with your uncle?"

Jess nodded, "a little."

By a little, he really meant to opposite. From the second their hire car had pulled into the drive outside Lorelai's house, Luke had been on his case. Luke wanted to make sure that he was treating Rory right, he was worried that Jess was the same little punk who ran away all those years ago and no matter how hard he tried to persuade his uncle, he could tell Luke still had serious doubts.

"How about you come with me down to the diner, we can catch up there." He suggested in front of the two women, Lorelai had shrugged, grabbing her daughter and walking her away from the boys. Jess shrugged, "Yeah, okay."

He had assumed it would have been alright, and maybe it was to normal people but Jess wasn't used to Luke being the concerned father, he wasn't used to anyone being that way even now as a 28 year old, he was still not getting the whole parenting thing.

"Has she said yes yet?" Was the first thing he had asked, he had walked Jess straight through the tables customers and out the back just near the staircase, just like old times.

"Who?" He played dumb.

"Rory, is she going to marry you? Because I think you should have told her grandparents or something."

Jess rolled his eyes, Luke just didn't want Rory's dad involved anymore than he had to be. "Are you implying that I need to ask their permission? Because I already asked her the question. It's too late for that."

"Oh right." Luke removed his cap from his head and scratched his hair. "I don't know how you got Lorelai on board but somehow you did and if you break her daughters heart again, you'll never be able to come back here again. I hope you know this. This town will probably throw deviled eggs at you again or worse, it wouldn't surprise me. This town is like family to those two, and you can't do that to her, not again."

"I'm not going to!"

Luke nodded. "Well good." He walked back out behind the counter, where Kirk sat nibbling at his toast. "Why did you take your nephew back there? Is he hurting Rory again?" He asked being nosy.

Luke shook his head, "ah geez." He grumbled, walking away from his least favourite customer.

Jess walked back out into the sea of familiar faces, Babette waved him over. He reluctantly walked in her direction, he didn't know why. Maybe he was getting soft in his old age.

"Hi sugah, I saw ya with Rory over at Lorelai's this mornin', are you two getting serious again?" She asked, with various hand gestures.

Jess nodded his head, he knew it was none of her business but he couldn't help it, everyone in this town had probably been wondering when Rory would get serious about someone, they probably expected her to settle down and come back home, and no matter how much that fantasy disturbed him, he was proud of the fact that he was that guy she was settling down with. "We're together if that's your crazy way of asking."

"Are you gunna marry her? Because I heard you were gunna."

Jess sighed, "Why don't you ask Rory that question?" He asked her.

"I will. Don't you worry about that!" She told him, turning to her husband. "Remind me to ask Rory will ya?"

Jess didn't stick around for the rest of their conversation, he wandered back outside the diner, memories of him leaving that same building for a smoke behind the dumpster filled his mind, he chuckled at the old him, a teenage boy walked straight past him, wearing a leather jacket not too dissimilar from his own. He watched this kid as he lit one up. Is that really what he looked like? A fish out of water? He shook his head at himself, huh. What did Rory see in that guy anyway? He didn't know what Rory saw in the old him but he was glad she saw it.

He walked down the familiar road, and stopped outside Doose's. He hadn't pegged himself as sentimental, probably because he had never really had anything he valued enough to give a damn about, but this feeling was strange to him, he felt like he was home. He knew that was ridiculous since out of all the places he had lived, Stars Hollow had been the place he had spent the least time in, but it felt oddly right walking down those streets again, watching Taylor have a screaming match with one of his customers, when was that guy going to retire? He chuckled to himself.

"Jess" he turned around to see Zach with both hands attached to first graders. "Hey, Zach right?" He asked, even though he knew Zach, he knew he was Lane's husband.

"Hey man" Zach waddled over, "Lane told me you and Rory would be coming to town."

"Huh, fancy that. Here I am."

Zach hadn't picked up on Jess' tone and kept on chatting. It wasn't long before the twins were complaining about being bored, and Zach had roped Jess into a dinner invitation for he and Rory. Jess knew that Rory wouldn't be impressed if he was rude to the husband of her best friend, so what could he do? He told him they'd be there at six. He thought it was too early for dinner, but hey he didn't have kids.

Rory couldn't help but laugh when Jess told her the dinner plans. She thought it was cute him leaving the house and coming back with dinner plans.

"It's not funny."

Rory smirked, "oh come on it is a little."

Jess stood his ground, "What was I meant to do? Say No thank-you?" He asked, clearly not amused by Rory's laughter.

"No, you said the right thing, I'm just proud of you." She cooed, snuggling up to him, she kissed the tip of his nose, "What time do we have to be there?" She asked, laying down on her old bed. Her mom had rearranged her old room, there was a crib in the corner, and a bare book case where it always sat on the other side. Jess looked around the room, "Do you remember when we first met in here?" He asked her, tapping her leg so she would move over. They lay there side by side on her single bed, Rory rested her head against his chest. "I remember, you wanted to climb out that window."

"You should have come with me."

"Where would we have gone?"

"Maybe we would have started a shindig at Miss Patty's."

Rory looked up with him, smirking, "You would have started a shindig with me?"

He nodded, "I would have started anything."

Rory couldn't help but smile, she knew he meant it.

Zach was talking Jess' ear off, he was hardly listening, he didn't have to. Zach would continue the conversation without waiting for a response, first he started off about the price of shampoo, next the amount of homework his kids already had in first grade, before easing in to a passionate review of the music that teens listened to now and how he disapproved.

Jess would nod occasionally, and smile when he had to, the things he did for Rory blew his mind, Rory was busy talking parenting with Lane, she let her pregnancy scare slip, causing the two of them to lock themselves in the bedroom to discuss it in full detail, Jess was in agony, between the twins and their playing sounds, and Zach with his ranting, Jess felt like the night would never end.

On the walk home, Rory wanted to stop by at Luke's, she was really getting into the old habits. "We just ate." Jess reminded her, trying, pleading, wanting to go home to bed. "You've had a long day, maybe we could just come back for breakfast." Rory ignored him, only smiling innocently, she walked up the front step, pulling Jess along.

Lorelai had named her doughnuts, she was animating their conversation when Rory snuck up behind her, "Doughnut humor, my favourite." She greeted her, pecking her cheek.

"How was dinner?" Lorelai asked her, handing her daughter one of the two sugary snacks.

"Dinner was just like old times." She reported, Jess walked behind the counter and poured Rory a mug of coffee, "My hero." She grinned, turning back to her mother.

"You still have your ears." Luke noted, and Jess frowned at him.

"What are you going on about?"

"You had dinner at Lane's right? Her husband could talk an ear off a deaf man."

Jess chuckled, "I survived." He confirmed.

"I was talking to Lorelai, Rory's bed is a little small. I thought you and Rory might want to stay upstairs while you're in town."

"Really?"

"Well, you're not seventeen anymore..." Luke said awkwardly, not wanting to go into any further detail.

"Thank-you."

Dr Bishop interrupted his story, "So you and Rory stayed in the apartment over your Uncle's diner?"

"We did." Jess confirmed, "It's not like it was an unfamiliar territory for us."

She jotted down what he was saying. "You and Rory used to spend a lot of time there when you first dated?"

"My uncle was naive when it came to teenage relationships, we could hear his footsteps at the bottom of the stairs every time we were getting into it, in a way he was helping us out. Giving us fair warning to cool ourselves off before he would come in claiming he needed something he clearly didn't."

She chuckled, knowing exactly how naive her own parents had been when she was that age.

"Ten years later and he's offering up his apartment to us. Who says people can't change?"

Later that evening Jess and Rory were getting ready for bed. "It was cool of Luke to let us stay here." Rory said, climbing underneath the covers. Jess was brushing his teeth in the other room. "Mhmm" He replied, toothbrush in his mouth.

"I just hope that he doesn't come up here during the night, checking that we're keeping our hands to ourselves." She giggled.

Jess laughed, walking back over to the bed, he climbed in beside of her, turning the lamp off beside him.

"So, I talked to Lane today."

"Really?" He mocked.

She snuggled into him, whacking him gently. "We talked about us, and having a baby someday."

"Oh yeah?"

:Yeah."

He couldn't see her through the pitch black room, but her tone told him that she was smiling.

"She thinks we would make good parents."

"We would." He agreed.

Rory kissed his bare chest, sighing loudly. "I'm still scared."

"You have nothing to be afraid of, you're a Gilmore, Gilmore's can get through anything.

Dr Bishop stopped him there, "So you talked about having a baby again?"

"We did, we talked about it a lot on our trip."

"But not about getting married?"

"Well everyone else seemed to want to talk about it, Rory never even brought it up."

"Maybe you should instead."

"Is that my homework for this week?"

"You know me so well."


	4. Chapter 4

Jess had been thinking a lot about a conversation he had with Lorelai during the visit back to Stars Hollow. He had been playing it over in his mind, over and over. He knew that it was important, and how hard it must have been for her to engage in such a conversation.

Rory was spending the day with Lane, and Jess thought there was nothing better to do than to help out his uncle at the diner. Lorelai had come by on her lunch break, of course she would still be heavily pregnant and still working right? She had walked behind the counter and helped herself to coffee, by the look on her face Jess knew that she was sneaking it behind Luke's back, she caught him staring. "This isn't mine, it's for Kirk over there..." She pointed in a random direction. Jess knew that Kirk wasn't even in the diner that afternoon. He smirked, handing her a straw, she frowned "not sure if you get the whole coffee concept but straws don't come included. "he'll never suspect it or at least it will take him longer." He explained. Her face lit up, "I like you."

Jess smiled, that was probably the nicest thing she had ever said to his face.

He turned around to start the coffee maker again, when she stood up beside him, leaning into him. "Can I talk to you when you have a minute?" She whispered, Jess turned his face towards her. "Sure."

When Luke was back in control of the place Jess walked past Lorelai and gave her a look, she knew exactly what he had meant and followed him outside, he stopped but she had other plans.

"What? Do you not know the point of a subtle private chat?" She asked, Jess shrugged. He didn't know what this crazy lady was talking about. Lorelai put one hand on either side of Jess' back, pushing him along to the alley way.

"Why are we here?" He asked, leaning against the wall. Lorelai looked around the corner and Jess rolled his eyes. "Now what are you doing?"

"Checking if the coast is clear!" She declared, before composing herself. "So, you're probably wondering why I brought you here to talk, huh?"

"Wow, are you reading my mind?" He joked in his usual sarcastic tone.

"Right, stupid thing to say." She nodded, "So, you know how I'm Rory's mom, and you're Luke's nephew? I kind of wanted to run something by you before I talked to Rory."

Jess was confused, usually Rory was the first person Lorelai spoke to about, well - everything.

"Really?"

"Really" she grinned, liking the fact that she had a secret, and now they were going to have a secret together. She felt like they were undercover, sneaking around like ninjas.

"Well?" Jess prompted when he noticed she had gone off with the fairies.

"Right." She nodded. "Well this baby isn't going to get to know his sister or step cousin slash brother in law, the way that he would have if he had been born fifteen years ago. Wow that makes me feel really old!" She giggled, "I was wondering if you and Rory would want to be the godparents, and I know technically that's meant to be a religious type deal, but since neither of you or us really have the strongest spiritual involvement. I figured you could just be the cool godparents who lie to his parents when he wants to go drinking with his pals, and if anything happened to Luke and I, you would step in and take care of him."

Jess knew his answer straight away. "Yes."

"Yes what?" Lorelai asked in confusion.

"Yes we'll do it."

"But I didn't even get to use my godfather reference." She pouted. "Damn you and your annoying development. What happened to the old Jess I could count on to be difficult for long enough so that I could finish my persuasion?" She grumbled.

Jess rolled his eyes yet again, more proof that she really was crazy. He thought to himself. "If this is you changing your mind.."

"No" she jumped in. "It's not, thank-you Jess." She smiled, "I would hug you but there is kind of a stomach between us." She explained. He nodded, he hadn't wanted a hug anyway.

"Wait." He called after her when she turned to leave.

"Hmm?" She asked turning back around to face him.

"Do you approve?" He asked, he just needed to know if he had her blessing to marry Rory. He hadn't realised that he felt that way until she had just told him that she wanted him involved in her unborn child's life. She wouldn't have done that just to be polite to her daughter would she?

"Of Obama? Yes I do."

He shook his head, "Of Rory marrying me."

She looked at him with warm eyes, tilted her head and smiled, she nodded happily. "I do. I never thought I would, but I do."

It was then that Jess realised how far he must had come. Years ago Lorelai would have never even joked about that. No matter how much she cared for Luke, it wouldn't have been enough to approve of her daughter spending the rest of her life with him. She would have hated the idea of it. He was proud of himself, of how far he had come. He really was, and nothing could change that. At least he didn't think it could.

Rory still hadn't mentioned being a godparent to Jess, so he assumed Lorelai hadn't yet told her. That oddly felt comforting. Lorelai had let him in on a secret from Rory, and Rory had kept the pregnancy scare from Lorelai. He finally felt like he was somehow strangely enough, a part of the family?

"I'm going to be a parent sooner than we thought." He told Doctor Bishop at his next session. Dr Bishop had been surprised by this revelation considering Rory had only just found out that she wasn't pregnant. "Oh really?" She asked Jess with a smile on her face.

"Rory's mom asked me in confidence if Rory and I would be her kid's godparents. You know, in case something bad happens to her and my uncle."

"Are you planning on doing something to them?"

"What?" He asked before realising what he had sounded like. "Oh, that's not what I meant."

"I know, just humouring you." She grinned. Jess liked that she was starting ease up on him now that they'd known each other a while. She wasn't so uptight and doctor like. She was human.

"I just have a good feeling about all of this." He admitted, and that was the absolute truth.

Jess had a lot more he could have and probably should have brought up about his trip back to the Hollow, but he didn't want to mention it just yet, he hardly even wanted to think about it. There were certain people he wished he didn't have to bump into during their trip, but of course his luck insured that he did of course have to bump into them.

Rory was resting on the sofa, laptop atop of her lap as she stared at the blank screen, she was stuck in a big way. She didn't know how to end the Dean story. The reason why she didn't know how to do this was because the truth was, it hadn't ended when everyone thought it had. There were some things that even her mother didn't know about her and Dean, things that she knew she shouldn't leave out but at the same time she really wanted to, needed to even.

Rory had seen Dean again that summer after her and Logan had ended on those bad terms. He had saved up his money to take Clara on a vacation. He wanted to do something special for his baby sister, he hadn't expected to run into the girl who broke his heart over and over. Rory hadn't expected to see him either. She hadn't been expecting to see anyone she knew. She was all over the place, her head was a mess and she couldn't seem to make any sense of the whole Logan deal. She had loved that man and she hadn't been good enough for him, she knew that, he probably knew it too and there she was standing in front of the first boy she ever fell in love with. He was so tall, she remembered thinking, asking herself if he had always been so vertically privileged? She didn't know, all she knew right then and there was that he was tall and right in front of her.

She fought the urge to run away as he smiled awkwardly, "Hey Rory, it's been a while." He said casually.

She nodded, smiling politely. "You look good, healthy and that." She laughed nervously.

"Yeah, you too." He smiled back, not knowing where to look.

"Logan and I broke up." She had blurted out, she kicked herself at the memory, even now years later she had no idea why she told him that, no freaking idea at all.

"Oh? Sorry to hear that."

"Yeah, I wasn't ready for marriage." She continued stupidly before coming to her senses. "I'm sorry, I don't even know why I am telling you any of this. It's like my brain isn't filtering my thoughts and my mouth is just going for it."

Dean laughed, "It's fine Rory, you used to tell me a lot of things." He reminded her. His laugh had made her feel more at ease, she had always enjoyed his laugh.

"What're you doing here anyway?" Rory asked, she secretly wondered if he had been there with a girl, she guessed it wouldn't have been Lindsay since last she had heard, they had annulled their marriage and moved on like none of it had ever happened.

"Clara, I wanted to take her on a trip. Couldn't afford to leave the country, so here we are." He laughed.

"Aww, how is she?"

"She's great, she's out with a friend right now, so I'm just glad I ran into a familiar face. Now I don't look like such a loner."

"Don't worry, I'm an actual loner quite frequently, eventually people don't even notice you. It's great."

He smiled, "Do you want to go and get a cup of coffee with me?"

"I can't say no to coffee."

Rory shuddered at the memories, not because she shared a conversation over a hot beverage, but because of what happened afterwards. She felt sick even remembering all the mistakes she had made in her earlier years. It was stupid to have done what she had done. Sleeping with a married man, stealing a yacht, dropping out of college, she regretted all those things but she also regretted sleeping with Dean again in Chicago. She hated that she actually took something as innocent as coffee and turned it into something that she could hardly admit to herself of doing, so she had no chance in hell of ever informing her mother that she had made that mistake yet again. She knew that she wanted to write an honest book, but did she really have to be that honest? Surely the only two people that would ever know that she left something out would be her and Dean, right? Unless of course he told a bunch of people and her privacy wasn't as private as she had thought.

She didn't want to have to tell Jess about it either, if she told Jess he would probably advise her to leave it out of the book, that or break up with her. She didn't really want to find out the outcome, and she knew that if she asked her mom, she would tell her she had to tell Jess, and if she told neither of them, and just put it into the book. They would both be hurt. She would hurt the two people she cared most about on the planet just for being honest. Who said that honesty never hurt anyone? Because they were dead wrong.

Jess knew he had to come clean to Dr Bishop, he had to at least tell her one bad thing that happened during the visit. He knew if he didn't this time it would only be a matter of time before she brought it out of him anyway.

He sat there trying to psych himself into it. He wanted to spill it out, but he didn't want to feel out of control. He finally just bit the bullet and came out with it. "I ran into Rory's ex when we went back to Stars Hollow." He told her, feeling the weight lift from his chest. It surprisingly felt good to get things out in the open.

"How did that happen?" She asked, and Jess thought she was stupid, what did she mean how did it happen? He frowned at her for a moment, thinking of what to say.

"He lives there, I was there. People see each other." He added, "But I think he was looking for me."

"What makes you say that?"

"He was waiting outside the diner when Rory was asleep, maybe he was looking for her, I don't know! I was the one who was there and awake."

"Did you talk to him?"

"I wish I didn't."

"Why is that?"

"He's a jerk that's why!"

"What makes him a jerk?"

"He treated Rory like crap when they were together, and he blamed me for her leaving him."

"Was it your fault?"

"Rory is a big girl, she can decide who she wants to date."

"Did you ever think it was your fault?"

"Fault? Like as if it's a bad thing that she chose me over him? No, I don't think it was my fault that she kissed me when he was out of town."

"What did he say to you?"

"He waited as I walked out to see him, he looked different, older, not wiser, just older. He wanted to talk to me about Rory, I don't know why. He just did, he told me not to marry her. I told him it was none of his business. He started going on about how it was for my own good, and I should stay away from her. He's convinced that she's going to leave me or hurt me. I didn't want to listen to any more of his crap, so I told him to go back to his house and go to sleep for a very long time."

"Did you believe anything that he was saying? Do you think he had a reason for saying those things?"

"He doesn't have to have a reason, it's just the way he is. He likes to try and mess things up for me for no reason. He's a jerk."

"Maybe he just felt hurt from losing her, he didn't want you to feel the same way."

"Well she's been with me longer than she was with him, if she's going to leave me, it's not like she's in a hurry to do so."

"Do you think she will?"

"Honestly? No, I know she won't. Rory doesn't leave when things get tough, she thinks it through and works it all out. Rory isn't a quitter."

"Are you a quitter?"

Jess shook his head. "Not anymore."


	5. Chapter 5

_Rory,_

 _There are things I probably should have told you. Maybe you would have understood how truly up I am and have always been messed up. If I had told you about who I was before we met you probably would have never wanted to be with me, or have anything to do with me. Before I came to Stars Hollow, I was a different person. My mom had given up on me, I can't really blame her though. If I had a kid like me, I would have kicked him out too. I was nothing but a disappointment to her from the start. I had been going around with these guys in New York. They weren't exactly a friendly crowd. I would never have let you near them. They're a rough crowd, and I was caught up with them. We would skip school, cause havoc. I know it was stupid of me to get around with them, drinking and smoking. Don't get me wrong Rory, we weren't in a gang. It wasn't like that, they were boys from my school who had jerks for parents, who were sick of doing the right thing when it counted for nothing. My mom was sick of the school calling her to tell her that I had skipped, she would tell me that I would amount to nothing just like my dad, she would tell me that everyday and I know it's stupid that I listened. I knew she was just saying that to scare me the other way but I believed her and I did some things. We went into the school one night, we thought it would be rebellious to have our own private party in the science labs, but some idiot decided that lighting joints with a Bunsen burner would be a laugh, and it happened. The room went up in flames, and I was the only kid without a trust fund to get me out of trouble. They kicked me out, and my mom was done with me. She sent me straight to my uncle who I hadn't seen in years. He was practically a stranger. If my own mom didn't want me, I thought for sure that an uncle I hardly knew wouldn't be any better. I wanted to get out of there until you showed me that it was a possibility that I was more than my fathers screw ups, but it wasn't enough Rory, I'll never be enough for you. Luke will forgive me, I'm his nephew and he can't help it. But you? I don't know how I will face you again. I really messed up._

 _I'm so sorry,_

 _Jess._

Rory sighed as her eyes scanned the letter that she held in her shaking hands. She felt a pang in her chest Jess had really felt that way? Like he wasn't worthy of anyone? She hated that he had felt like this and she wondered why he hadn't sent her the letters. Everything would have been completely different, the idea of them reconciling all those years ago brought a smile to her face. If he had been this honest with her back then, she knew for sure that she would have never slept with Dean, she knew that in her heart. The tricky thing was, if things had gone differently, there was a possibility that they wouldn't be together right now and she was grateful for the way things now were. They had finally come full circle, she was with the man she loved with all her heart and there was nothing that could break them.

Her laptop started beeping, the charger was in the other room, she walked out to find it, desperate to get her hands on it before the computer switched itself off.

"Crap" she groaned rushing about, looking under cushions and under bags. She grabbed onto a chord that hung out, "There you are!" She smiled, tugging at it, she pulled it out from under the sofa, dragging something else with it.

She frowned, trying to figure out what it was; she turned the piece of paper over and started to read it. "Your book is going to be amazing. Keep going. I love you x"

She smiled, did she seriously have the best boyfriend in the world? Was this for real? She loved Jess, but it was getting harder for her to live her life when he constantly made her feel like screaming his name from the rooftops and declaring her love. The way he made her feel, like she was walking on the clouds, like there were giant butterflies invading her tummy over and over again. She was falling for him harder and harder every day.

"Oh Jess, what did I ever do to deserve you?" She asked into the air.

Liz had known all about Jess coming to Stars Hollow, and despite their past. She did love her son, she knew that he was still holding her at arms length but she wanted to see her first born, Luke had warned her that Jess was getting better, that he was recovering from his own demons and that if she did something to mess him up, that he would be very angry at her. She hated it when Luke was mad at her, her big brother was her hero for most of her life, always bailing her out of trouble, for little in return. She knew that he would be mad at her but she needed to see Jess, she needed to fix things between them. That's why she went to see him; she knew Luke was going out with Lorelai, so that was her chance.

Jess looked up at the doorway when he heard the sound of the door. He was going to tell whoever it was to leave, the diner was closed. Until he saw the woman standing there like a pile of nerves. She smiled awkwardly and his face softened.

"Jess." She said softly, walking over and sitting herself down at the counter.

"What do you want?" He asked, still working on inventory. She played with the napkins that were placed in front of her, unable to speak.

"Liz." He said in pure frustration. He didn't have time for this, Rory would be down any minute to take him to her grandparents.

Liz looked up at him, her face was filled with pain. "I just wanted to see ya, my baby boy. How you doing?" She asked, her hands still fidgeting.

"I'm good, no thanks for you by the way." His tone should have been angry by the words that he was saying, but Liz watched his face and listened to him, he wasn't mad at her, he was hurting.

"I know, trust me. If I know one thing it's that."

Jess shook his head, "Took you long enough."

Liz's heart dropped down to her stomach, she knew he would be upset with her, but she didn't prepare for it to hurt her so much.

"You know, I spent my whole life wishing you approved of me, or just that you could notice me but that never happened, the second I stopped caring what you thought of me, my life became so much easier."

She nodded, it was probably true. "I'm sorry baby." She tried, but he wasn't buying it.

"You can't just come in here and expect the past to change. You never wanted me, and you made me not want myself."

"Jess. I just wanted to see how you're doing." She whispered.

"I was doing fine until you walked in."

If you had been a fly on the wall you probably would have thought that he was being too harsh or was overreacting, you would have seen Liz retreating, walking out and leaving without another word. She was hurt, she knew that every word Jess said was true but that didn't stop the way it felt in her chest. She didn't know how she would fix this but she knew she was going to do it on her own, without the help of her big brother.

Dr Bishop listened to Jess' recollection of that very conversation, she was gathering the information wanting to be able to help Jess the best way she could.

"Do you think maybe you could have handled the situation differently?" She asked, watching Jess' face change. He was thinking about it, and it was obvious that it pained him greatly. She didn't like that part of her job, watching people in pain. It was the worst part of her job.

"Maybe, but she didn't give me much to work with. The last time I saw her she was hitting me up for money. She's always wanting things, and then when we stop giving she moves onto the emotional side. She plays with people's minds to make herself look like the innocent victim."

"And that frustrates you?"

"Of course it does, she's always taking and never giving me anything! When I was a kid she would "borrow" my money, to buy cigarettes for her boyfriends or alcohol for the both of them. She would steal from me, and then act like it was my fault she couldn't get a job."

Dr Bishop nodded, this was dangerous territory she knew that. "If your mother was in here sitting beside you, what would you say to her?"

"I would ask her why she treated me like an idiot my whole life, or why she took advantage of me, and other people."

"Pretend I'm her, it's okay. I can take it."

Jess didn't want to show that side of himself to Dr Bishop, but he did want to get things off his chest. "When I was five years old, you told me that you were going to the store to grab some milk. This was about 1pm in the afternoon, you didn't come home until 3am, and I know that because I stayed awake. I was waiting for someone to come and take me, or the police to come and tell me that you were hurt. I was five years old and you came home drunk, you left me at home alone as a child. I couldn't cook, I didn't know anyone to call to look after me. I was scared! You left me there and I was alone and it was dark outside. What kind of a mother does that?" He asked, a lump in his throat.

Dr Bishop handed him a tissue box, but he declined, wanting to keep going. "You had this boyfriend, he wasn't even there for a week before he started acting like he was my father. He would boss me around, and you would expect me to do what he said. I didn't even know the guy! And that one time when he threatened to hit me, you just stood there and watched as I took the phone and called my uncle. The only person who cared. I was nine, and you were letting some stranger parent me because you didn't want to do it yourself. These are the things that mess a kid up, when you bring your friends over to get high, and ban me to my room, when you refuse to have a proper Christmas, because your new boyfriend was Jewish. When you forget to pick me up from school, or when you throw my books into the fire place to get me to pay attention. The best thing you ever did for me was give up, when you sent me to your brother, I may have hated you for that but it was the best decision you ever made. You might be my mother, and I might still love you. It doesn't mean I have to like you, not yet anyway."

Jess looked down at his feet, thinking about what he just said. He felt sadness erupt throughout his body. He didn't want to feel this way about his mother, he wanted to move on and forgive her, but he knew that if he tried she could hurt him again and again. He didn't know if it was worth the risk, so he pushed and pushed her away over and over. The only person who really understood was Luke, but Luke was the kind of man who had room for that much forgiveness. He had such a big forgiving heart, Jess could only dream of being half the man his uncle was.

Dr Bishop got up from her chair and walked over to her desk, she dug through her draw searching for a few sheets of paper. She grabbed a pen and handed the two over to Jess, "Why don't you write her a letter. You don't have to send it, you can if you want to but that's up to you. Write down how you feel about her, and what you want to change. Bring the letter next week if you don't want to send it.

"Homework?" Jess smiled sadly, he wasn't sad over the homework, he was upset because he knew how much this was going to drain out of him.

He didn't go straight home after his session like he usually did, instead he caught a cab to his office, work was a place where he could clear his head. It sounded strange but it was the truth. Jess loved being alone in his office, reading through potential best sellers and writing suggestions, he had always felt the need to annotate the books he read in his leisure time, and now he got paid to do it. This time he wasn't going to his office to work, he was going there to write something of his own, a letter.

He greeted a few of his co-workers as he walked past their booths, he joked with the coffee lady, and teased a few of the interns as he passed through, but as soon as he walked into his office he closed the door and shifted down the blinds, he sat down at his desk, sat down his pen and paper in front of him. He didn't know where to start just stared at the blank sheet for a moment, or two. He racked his brain searching for answers, prompts, anything. He decided the only way to start, would be to stick the pen against the paper and let his hand do the rest.

 _Mom,_

 _I remember when I was three years old. You were my hero. You would push me on the swings and chase me around the playground, you would fix me up when I fell down and grazed my knee. What happened to that? One moment you're the perfect parent and the next you're just gone? What happened? Is there something I'm missing? Will you please let me in on the big secret? I'm your son and I see all these other families, I see Rory and her mom, they're closer than I ever thought was possible. I grew up thinking that parents were the enemy, my friends at school would complain about not having the latest Xbox, or cell phone when all I wanted was a mother who cooked me dinner and asked me about my day. Maybe some kids found that cheesy and I know if it was normal to me, I would have thought that too. Yet I grew up not knowing what that felt like Mom. You never asked me what was wrong, you never asked if I needed help. I was raising myself, you were more interested in your boyfriends, and I hate that I have to use that word as a plural. Other kids had both of their parents, and I know that I can't blame you for Jimmy leaving but it would have helped if I felt like I had one parent. I can't even remember how many times I would come home to an empty house so empty that there wouldn't even be any food in the fridge. It wasn't fair that I had to use my own money to buy bread and milk. I was thirteen and the only one with a job? That's not even legal mom! I shouldn't have even had a job. Sometimes I wonder how you even kept me, I used to be scared that the feds would take me away from you, despite the neglect I was still scared of losing you. That's half my problem, I do love you and I can't stop it. It would be so much easier if I could hate you, and I blame the genetics I got from your side of the family! It's such a Luke thing to let you keep hurting me over and over, and not hating you. I don't believe that you're a bad person because you're not; you just have really bad habits. Habits that include using your own family, families aren't meant to just be there to bail you out of your troubles. We aren't your piggy bank Mom, you can't just use us like a bank. We want you to be there when you're doing fine, when you're happy and have no problems. I can't speak for Luke but I hate that you're only there when you're in trouble or asking for favours. I don't want to be that guy; I want to be the son for once. Stop making me feel like your parent. I'm not your parent and I never will be, you're meant to look after me but you've never really done that before have you? You've never had that responsibility, you always handed me over to other people, had your boyfriends tell me what to do, trying to discipline me, it wasn't their job! Maybe if you had married them, maybe if they were actually good people I would have gotten over it, but they weren't. They were strangers and I didn't even know them! I don't know how we're going to get through this, but Rory and I are getting serious and one day we'll have kids and I want you to be a part of my life. I want you to be in my life as much as that hurts me to admit it, but you're going to have to prove to me that you're serious about this. I am thankful that you taught me how not to parent, because now I know that I'm going to do everything that I wish you had done with me. There is no way that I am going to let a kid of mine feel the way that you and Jimmy made me feel, I felt worthless and unwanted, you forgot about me, you didn't care and you took things from me. I am willing to forgive you, I just need time to learn how to trust you again. I love you Mom, don't think that I don't, I just need you to meet me half way._

 _Jess._


	6. Chapter 6

**Authors Note: Thank you all so very much, you're all so amazing! Thank you for all your reviews you've given me the determination to keep writing this story. I am really excited to keep this story alive, please if you may, tell me what you think of this story so far it will mean the world to me and it will show me how you're feeling about everything that's going on. Thank you so much for all your support and I will try my hardest to write this story as best as I can. I hope that I will do it justice and make you all proud.**

Rory rolled over, bumping into Jess who was still sound asleep. She groaned, if Jess was still sleeping it probably meant it was too early to be awake. She turned the other way to face the alarm clock beside her side of the bed 3:15 it read, she groaned a little louder up against her pillow. She knew she probably wouldn't be able to get herself back to sleep but she was willing to try, she closed her eyes and tried her hardest, she thought about fluffy slippers and warm cocoa but it was no use. She laid there awake for half an hour trying to drift off but she couldn't get there.

She rolled over and grabbed the box of letters from under the bed. She unlocked it and took out the next letter, using her phone she started reading it in the dark. She felt almost dangerous reading this while Jess was in the room.

 _Rory,_

 _Jimmy kicked me out, I don't know where I am going or where I will end up but I know it's not going to be much better than this. I screwed up okay, I left a family who wanted me for another one that didn't. Jimmy has moved on with his new kid and new woman. It's stupid that I even bothered coming here. I could have had a nice thing going on back at my Uncle's. He offered to let me stay and redo my senior year but pride got in the way, there was no way I was going to redo that year of my life. I hate school Rory, I should have done it right the first time. I'm probably going to try and make my way back to New York, or Philly depends how far this money can take me. I'm thinking of selling my car. It won't get me much but anything is better than what I've got now. I feel like such a screw up even writing this to you but I have to get this off my chest, I have to tell someone. Even if I don't send this to you like all the other letters I have stashed in my rucksack, at least I said it somewhere. Hopefully the next time we speak, or rather the next time I write I'll be at my destination. I love you Rory._

 _Jess_

Rory looked at the date on that letter and tried to remember where she had been, she couldn't decide between Paris or Denmark it was one of the two if it wasn't the middle of the night she probably would have called her mom and asked her to recall the exact location, no matter how crazy it would sound her mother would have tried her hardest to remember just because she asked.

Jess wasn't a light sleeper, he rolled around quite frequently and she had never minded, it was fascinating to her now watching him, his bare back wasn't under the covers, she placed a gentle kiss against his shoulder blades and smiled, dropping the letter down beside her bed and crawling up against her man, she closed her eyes and snuggled in against his warmth.

She didn't open her eyes until her ears were complaining about the noise coming from the alarm clock, Jess' lips were brushing against her neck indicating that this time he was awake. "Sorry babe." He whispered, untangling himself from her limbs, Rory felt the bed dip as he left the bed to switch off the alarm, she groaned wishing she was still asleep, leaving her eyes closed. She could hear the humming of the pipes as Jess started his shower, but that's all she can remember from the morning because it was those very pipes that sent her off to sleep.

Jess had left her a note in the kitchen, a packet of poptarts lay open on the kitchen bench, she smiled running her fingers over the post it note that read "Eat me!" Jess was always doing things like this for her, leaving her things to wake up to. It was nice, and she loved him for it.

Once her poptart's were cooked, and by the plural I mean yes, she had toasted each and every one of them, Rory sat herself down on the sofa with her laptop on hand, she scrolled through her book, reading the most recent pages to give her an idea of where to carry on.

Jess was walking into Dr Bishop's office, she noticed his facial expression, he was visibly concerned about something she could see it plainly on his face. He took a seat and waited for her to start his appointment. He sat there without saying a word, just waiting for her. She hadn't seen him like this since their first session.

"Is there something on your mind?" She asked, wondering if he had any specific things he needed to talk through. She liked to give people that option, there was no point in talking about things that weren't relevant.

"Just Rory." He shrugged trying to avoid the topic. Dr Bishop wasn't the type to pass up an opportunity to discuss things that could help a patient.

"You look bothered by something." She prompted, wanting him to open up.

"I found something this morning." He shook his head still not believing whatever it was that he was stressing over.

"Did you talk to her about it?"

He shook his head, "When I left her, when I was 17. I used to write her letters. I never sent them to her, but I accumulated a whole heap of them. I'd forgotten all about them but somehow she has them and I found them opened under her side of the bed like she's been reading them."

"Did you not want her to read them?" She asked him, trying to gain a better understanding. Jess wasn't the type of person who was upset over things for no reason. She had noticed this about him ever since he started opening up to her.

"It's not that I didn't want her to read them. I wrote them for the intention of her to read them it's just, she's doing it in secret. She's hiding it from me."

She nodded, "You should talk to her, mention the letters tell her how you feel about her reading them."

"How I feel? I feel like she doesn't trust me enough to tell me that she has the letters. I can't even remember her knowing about them. She probably found them when I moved out of my old place, otherwise I've got nothing. I have no idea how this happened." He groaned, hiding his face into his hands. He hated feeling this way, especially when it came to Rory. He wanted their relationship to be open and honest, he wanted to feel nothing but happiness and pride when it came to his girlfriend. He didn't want his mind to associate Rory with distrust. He wanted Rory to be everything good in his life, he had plenty of room for distrust when it came to his relationship with his mother, who hadn't responded to his letter even though he sent it almost a week ago. She hadn't even called to tell him she received it. Luke didn't even mention it, and if Luke didn't know about it then it must have been something she was ashamed of.

"Tell her this Jess, it's the only way you can keep an honest relationship with her. If you want her to know what you're feeling then no matter how afraid or ashamed you think you'll feel from being honest, it shouldn't matter because if you respect her and you want her to know that, then being honest is the only way you can truly show her and allow her to trust you that same way.

Jess thought about it and he knew she was right, he knew the only way he could keep this relationship the way they had been keeping it so far, he had to be honest with her even when it killed him. He wanted her to confide in him, so he had to do the same, it was the only way this would all work.

During the cab ride home, Jess was rehearsing how he would bring it up. He knew he couldn't raise his temper of come across as angry. He wasn't angry, he sometimes sounded that way but it was hardly ever the case. He didn't like the way he always ended up raising his voice. He hated it, he just didn't know how to control it. It was the only way he knew how to get his mother's attention back when he was a kid and the habit just kind of stuck with him over the years.

He kissed his girl when she answered the front door, he had left his key in the kitchen when he left that morning. "I forgot my key." He explained, walking into the apartment. "You been working?" He asked, noticing her laptop sitting on the sofa. Rory shrugged, "Been trying." She responded, looking a little distracted.

"Do you want to talk about it? We should talk." He took her over to the sofa, laid her laptop onto the floor gently and grabbed hold of her hand. They sat there for a moment, both too scared to speak. "So," Rory started off, but she didn't say anything further.

"So," Jess repeated, staring at the television which was turned off.

"I was just looking at the news on my laptop." Rory started, turning towards him. "Logan's name came up. I know that shouldn't mean anything but it happened. I saw it, and I read it. I don't want to make a deal out of it but I thought you should know."

"That you read it?"

"That I read it." She nodded, instantly feeling bad.

"It's okay Rory; you can read whatever you want. Even if ex boyfriends are involved." He told her. He meant it too; he didn't want her feeling like she had to feel guilty for knowing that Logan was successful. He didn't want to be that kind of boyfriend. He stroked her hand gently, trying to make her feel at ease.

"Are you sure? Because I feel like if the shoe was on the other foot I would be uneasy if you were looking up your old girlfriends."

Jess laughed, she was jealous of them? She had no reason to be! "Rory, those relationships were nothing serious, I have no interest in looking any of them up, ever."

"Not even Shane?" She joked, Jess shook his head, still laughing. "If I recall correctly, you were incredibly jealous of her."

Rory pouted, "I was not _incredibly_ jealous." She tried to hide her blushing cheeks.

"Correct me here but I remember you getting into some kind of cat fight with her at some point?" He teased, poking her in the ribs gently, causing her to scream.

"No!" She screamed, "It wasn't a cat fight, just carefully chosen words strung together in a fit of frustration." She defended.

"I love you, even when you're jealous." He told her, kissing the tip of her nose. She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck, "I don't have to be jealous, I know that you really love me, and I really love you, so neither of us has anything to worry about."

"Because we trust each other right?" He asked, becoming a little quiet, he knew he could potentially ruin the moment but he had to try and get this off of his chest. The one relationship that he wanted to keep, the one person he needed in his life was right there in front of him and he was scared?

"Yeah, we trust each other." Rory nodded in agreement.

Jess pulled a letter out from his pocket, it was the one he had found earlier. He handed it over to Rory and sighed, "If you wanted to read them. I would have given them to you."

Rory's face dropped, she knew he was right. She felt ashamed, the truth was she didn't know how he would react, she thought that if she asked him he would have thrown them out himself, unable to know for certain without asking him she had felt it was easier to just read them in secret.

"I know, I was scared that you wouldn't want me to." She admitted, nibbling her lower lip.

"You can read them, if you promise me two things." He bargained.

Rory thought about making a joke, reminding him that she was the one with the letters locked in a box, but she didn't feel like this was the right moment. She nodded, "What's your price?" She asked, reaching for his hand again. Jess smiled, squeezing her hand.

"Condition one, you don't read them in front of me, or mention them or tease me about any of their contents." He told her.

"And two?" She asked curiously, she was relieved that he was allowing her to keep reading. It was the only thing that had given her closure, that had given her an invite into the mind of seventeen year old Jess Mariano, the boy she had fallen in love with.

"Promise me to be honest with me no matter what. Even when it seems silly or embarrassing, I want to be there for you, I want to know everything about you. I love you Rory, and there is nothing you can keep from me."

Rory didn't say anything, she leaned over and attached her lips to his, kissing him tenderly. She wanted him to feel what she was feeling, love and acceptance. She wanted him to realise that she was in this for good and there was nothing that could shake her. She wanted him to know that he was the man she loved and she trusted him with her life.


	7. Chapter 7

Logan pulled up a chair, he had been surprised when Rory had called him wanting to meet, he hadn't seen her in years, and it wasn't as if they had ended on good terms, or at least on his side of it all. She looked just as beautiful as ever, her eyes were glowing and her hair was once again shoulder length, the same as when they had just met. Rory smiled, standing up to greet her ex, they shared an awkward hug, and he pressed his lips against her cheek in a warm welcome.

"It's been a while Ace, how've you been?" He asked after taking a seat, they had agreed to meet at a coffee spot only a few blocks from Rory's apartment, he grabbed the menu and browsed; Rory cleared her throat, thinking of what to say.

"I've been great; I don't even know where to start. So many things have happened." She smiled, grabbing her coffee mug. Logan nodded, he knew what she meant. It had been a pretty long time.

"Wait, is that a soup mug?" He asked, eyeing the cup in Rory's grasp. She blushed, looking down at the up.

"It is."

Logan laughed, "Well I'll be damned, still the same Rory."

Rory smiled at him, feeling slightly nervous. She hadn't known what to expect with this meeting, she was surprised when Jess encouraged her to attend, Logan had called out of the blue a few nights ago, he was only in town for the rest of the week and wanted to catch up before he left. She had been shocked considering the last time they spoke he had given her the impression that she was no longer welcome in his life.

She had received the phone call two days prior, her and Jess had just sat down for dinner, neither of them wanted to get up to answer the landline. Jess took a mouthful of his burger, and Rory jumped to grab the phone. There was no caller ID, she was hoping it would just be a telemarketer so she could hang up and eat, but the voice on the other end was more familiar than that.

"Hello?" She answered, a mouthful of fries, she listened to the other end while trying to balance the phone between her shoulder and her ear.

"Rory, it's Logan. How are you?" He asked, and Rory nearly dropped the phone. She looked over at Jess who was asking who it was, "Logan" She mouthed, clearly stunned. Jess turned the television down and turned around to listen in. Rory walked over to the sofa and sat back down beside Jess.

"Logan, hi! I'm great, nice to hear from you." She said politely into the receiver, Jess was chomping on his burger beside her, she frowned at him as if mentally warning him to chew with less enthusiasm.

"Sorry, this might be weird. I got your number from Emily, she told me I should see you while I'm in town."

"No, that's okay. You can see me whenever you want." She told him, Jess smiled at her in his own way that meant he was okay with that. She didn't know how he could be, but she was glad he wasn't going to kick up a fuss.

"How about we catch up for coffee, I'm in town for a few more days."

"Yeah, well I'm free whenever." She told him, and Jess laughed silently, who knows what he found funny by that.

"Great, I'll call you and we can organise something."

"I look forward to it." She told him, Logan said his goodbyes quickly as he had to go into a meeting. As soon as the phone line had gone quiet, she turned to Jess.

"What?" She asked, wanting to know what he had found so amusing. Jess smiled, shaking his head. He wasn't going to spill. Rory groaned, poking his ribs in annoyance. "Tell me."

Jess stood his ground, shaking his head as he still wasn't going to budge. Rory was growing impatient, "Come on, just tell me."

"You're so cute making a date with Logan." He laughed, Rory pouted, crossing her arms firmly against her chest.

"It's not a date!" She whined, hiding her face with a cushion. Jess continued laughing until he realised he had offended her.

"Rory." He cooed, wrapping his burger up and placing it on the coffee table. "Rory" He repeated, trying to pry the pillow from her face, she groaned behind the fabric, not wanting to look at him. Jess kissed the top of her head, "Your food is getting cold," He warned her but she didn't move, "Come on Rory, I was just joking." He begged, still trying to remove the pillow from her grasp. She gave in, but not easily. Finally the cushion had moved from her face, and she was now snuggling it against her chest.

"It's not a date." She huffed, as Jess handed her back her own burger. She let go of the cushion and started taking small mouse bites, Jess grabbed his own and switched the TV volume up higher.

"Make sure he knows that." He whispered, and Rory smirked, he was jealous.

Logan had filled Rory in on his business endeavours. She was impressed, the Logan she knew was still new to the whole career concept. She had known him during a time when he had been roped into the working field by his father unwillingly and although he had begun to enjoy the working life, she still knew that he was still unsure of himself even back then.

"I read an article about you in the New York Times that must be a great feeling." She prompted, and the modest look on Logan's face brought a smile to her own.

"Yeah, I guess it is. For once my name is in there by my own accord. No affiliations with my father. I'm finally making a name for myself, and people are unaware of the relations in cases."

"Wow, sounds like something you always dreamed of." She noted. This was definitely a different Logan to the one she knew; he seemed smarter, more determined, and proud of himself. He was on fire.

"You have no idea." He smiled, as a waitress placed his coffee down in front of him, Rory was still going with hers so she didn't bother asking for another, the waitress accepted Logan's generous tip before moving along to the next table. "What about you? What have you been doing these past few years?" He asked curiously, he hadn't heard anything about her in years, at least nothing had come up in his social circle.

"I took off my journalism cap, and started writing a book. I still write the occasional piece here and there, but mostly I've been writing about my life."

"Your life? Wow, didn't know I was in the presence of such an important person. You're writing your own memoirs Ace?" He grinned just as his coffee cup met his lips. She smiled, was he trying to discourage her from writing? She couldn't tell. His tone wasn't exactly telling.

"They say write what you know, and what do I know better than my own life? I mean, if people can learn from my mistakes, or take something from my life and apply it to theirs, I owe it to myself to at least give it a go." She explained, and Logan nodded, listening to her every word.

"So am I in it?" He asked, and Rory fought the urge to roll her eyes, her mother had asked that exact question when she had been told of this idea.

"Yes." She nodded, "Well you will be, I haven't decided which angle I'm going to take on our story."

Logan nodded, "I assume there will be name changes involved? I'm a successful business man now, don't need any scandals."

Rory nodded, "Of course, you can even pick the name if you want."

"What if I want to be named Yamok?" He asked with a silly grin.

Rory laughed, "I'm sure I could somehow make that work."

"If there is anything I can do to help, give me a call alright?" He asked, and Rory couldn't help but feel as though this was his way of saying "keep in touch."

"Thank-you, I will." She promised.

Jess was seated opposite Dr Bishop, they had started off the session talking about the week, Jess had included the phone call from a man from Rory's past, he was worried about her seeing Logan, but not because he was scared of her running off with her ex, it was because he had fears that Logan would make Rory feel like her leaving journalism was a stupid idea. Logan had known the old Rory, the girl who dreamed of nothing else but being a journalism, but Jess was worried that Logan wouldn't approve of her new life choices. Rory valued his opinion, she always had and Jess knew this.

"Rory and I, we clicked we always have. She wanted to be a journalist and I knew that, she's always been a book worm. We would share books back in high school, she wanted to be a journalist and she was but people change, we grow and evolve as people. Our dreams as kids, won't always be what we dream of adults. She's still writing, and I'll support her no matter what she does as long as she's doing something she loves, but other people they might not get that. Logan, that's her ex – he knew the Rory who loved journalism, and if he says anything to make her feel like she's made a mistake I'll have to give him a piece of my mind." He explained.

Dr Bishop was concerned, she hadn't seen this side of Jess before, he was angry. His eyes were hard and his body was tense. She knew that Rory meant a lot to him, but she was seriously worried.

"This isn't healthy." She tried to calm him. "If this Logan character does discourage Rory, you're the one who is going to be there to help her realise that his opinion isn't everything."

Jess shrugged, "Of course I will be, but it would help me out a lot more if he didn't mess with things in the first place."

"Maybe he won't, did you think about that?" She asked him.

Jess frowned, "He will."

"How do you know?" She asked him.

"Because he's a jerk! He always has been."

"Why would she date him if he was always a jerk?"

"I don't know." He groaned, knowing she was trying to foil his logic.

Logan had just told Rory about his new engagement, he was getting married and Rory couldn't help but think about her own life, would she be married soon? Did she want to be? She was glad that Logan was finally going to have a wife who loved him, she was. She just couldn't help but think about her own life, was she jealous? She wanted to be married?

"Jess and I are also engaged." She told him, bending the truth. It's not like he hadn't proposed, and it wasn't as if she didn't want to marry him. She really wanted to marry him.

"Really? That jerk who came to dinner with us that one time?" Logan laughed in disbelief.

"He's not a jerk, but yes that's him." She didn't like the way Logan had called Jess a jerk, in fact it sent pain through her body.

"Well, good for you Ace." He smiled, "Looks like we're both going to have that happy ending after all."

"I knew we would." She smiled, and it was true. She knew that she wanted Logan to have a happy ending, and now that he had it. She no longer had to feel guilty about marrying Jess, she felt relief wash over her, maybe that was the reason why she couldn't commit to marriage in the first place.


	8. Chapter 8

Rory hadn't been one for keeping secrets, she tried not to keep any. The feeling that rotted the insides of her stomach was enough to make her want to hurl, and usually she did in the form of words. She couldn't hold them in, but this time was different, she had convinced herself that things were best kept inside, she didn't want to hurt anyone, and by anyone you could bet everything you owned, that she meant Jess.

She had been tiptoeing around him for weeks, not wanting to spill her guts upon him, but also not knowing how to act natural in his presence. As far as she was aware his sessions had been going well and everything was working out for him. She needed to make sure that she didn't ruin that. She couldn't ruin his progress at all.

"Rory, why are you avoiding me?" Jess asked one afternoon, he had been at work all morning just like always but he had come home early, too early. She had been in the middle of writing the boyfriend chapters of her book, chapters that didn't include him. She just about jumped out of her chair when the door opened, not only that he had followed her around as she tried to pack up all of her notes that lay all over the room. She supposed it did seem like she was hiding something from him, and okay, yes she was but she didn't mean to come across as avoidant.

"I'm not avoiding you." She lied, placing her notebook onto the kitchen counter. She wrapped her arms around his chest. His heart beat thumped against her cheek, it was a strange comfort to her.

"You are avoiding me and I don't know why." He walked over to the living room space, still holding onto her by her hand. He sat down, pulling her with him. "Tell me what's going on." He whispered softly, tucking her hair behind her ears. She looked him in the eye, nodding but not saying a single word, she was scared, but she didn't know why. She knew her secrets wouldn't make him leave her, but she was scared all the same. Maybe she was more afraid of how his opinions of her would change, she always prided herself and their relationship on him understanding and knowing the real her but what if he knew the other _**real**_ her?

"Rory?" Jess prompted her, lacing their fingers together, he watched her face change. She looked stressed, like her mind was going a million miles a minute. He started to worry, but he knew that she needed to talk. She wouldn't allow him to try and comfort her until she had said what she needed to say. He waited, she knew he would. They sat there in silence for minutes, but to Rory it felt like much longer. She untangled their fingers from each other's grasp and walked over to her folder, she hesitated before bringing it over to him.

"I don't know if I'll be able to say it right, or if I'll even be able to say it out loud. I wanted to wait for you to read the book but I feel like that would be cheating you out of information. This is just a rough draft, and if you want me to cut any of it out I will, but this is the real story, and I know I shouldn't have kept this to myself, trust me. My headaches were enough of a punishment, but I'm showing you it now, and you can feel however you feel. I won't blame you even if you're mad at me for keeping this to myself." She blurted out as Jess grabbed hold of the folder, she didn't let go of her end, just stared down at the pages. Jess waited for her to meet his eye before nodding and with only a whisper, "Okay."

She paced up and down the hallway, as Jess had locked himself in their bedroom, every so often she would listen through the door, the sound of pages turning made her stomach churn. Comfort food wasn't working, she was stressing out. Jess was milking it all in, reading it word for word and in some cases he even reread pages to make sure he understood.

Rory was in a panic, she had phoned her mother and let her in on the situation, Lorelai was busy unsurprisingly, and Rory had told her off for being no help, Lorelai had simply quipped "You're an adult now Rory, it's time you handled your own life." (Which felt like a kick to the stomach to Rory, - Who was already feeling the wrath of that very same body part.)

Jess lay back against the bed as he skimmed another page, it had now been hours of him reading over these pages and he didn't know what he thought. He could hear Rory outside the room groaning things like "I'm a horrible person," and "Why am I so stupid." He wanted nothing more than to open the door and tell her that she was the opposite, but he knew she would kidnap the writings and he'd never get a chance to finish them.

There was so much to consume, things he hadn't known about her time with her other boyfriends, some guy called Marty was mentioned a couple of times too. He was seeing a new side of Rory, and in no way was he upset about it. He didn't know what she was stressing over because to him, he was discovering the real Rory, the things he wished he had been around to live through. He leaned over the bed and grabbed the locked box his girlfriend kept under there, he walked over to the closed door and opened it only a crack. Rory stopped and rushed over to it, "Are you finished?" She asked eagerly, he didn't answer her question, but handed her the box instead. "Only fair." He said softly before hiding back in their room.

Rory stared at the door, was he serious? How could she read at a time like this? No matter how badly she wanted to go through the letters she didn't think her head was in the right space to be doing so. "I can't read at a time like this." She called through the wall, but Jess didn't bother with a response, he was too busy reading.

It took him three hours before he had finished reading it all, he opened the bedroom door to find Rory laying on the hallway floor. "What are you doing?" He asked her, walking over to help her off the ground. She sprung up, searching his face trying to figure out his reaction. He held his arms out and wrapped them around her. "Tell me why you were so worried, were you expecting me to run out of her screaming?" He asked, as she was counting the beats of his heart.

"I don't know, I just didn't want you to be mad at me." She confessed, snuggling into his chest. She felt him vibrate as he laughed.

"I'm not mad at you Rory." He said truthfully, she looked up at him warily.

"How are you feeling about it all then?" She wanted to know.

Jess shook his head, "Can we not have this conversation in the hallway?" He asked, walking them backwards into their bedroom, he let go of her allowing them both to now be able to sit down on their bed.

"So, let's talk." He started, placing the folder between them as they sat against the bed head.

"Are you upset that I kept this from you?" She asked, turning towards him.

He shook his head straight away, "I have my secrets and you have yours." He reminded her.

"I know, but we shouldn't have any, not anymore."

"True, but I think it will take time to get all of them out in the open."

"How many do you think I have?" She asked defensively.

"I don't know Rory, but I know that now you have less of them."

She nodded, "So, is there anything you're not sure of?" She asked, wanting everything learnt on that day to not linger around for the rest of the week.

"You and Dean, did you see each other after that time you wrote in the book?" He asked, Dean had always been a sore point for him. When he had seen Dean at Rory's dorm room that night, he had felt like such an idiot. Dean had always been his main competition. He was the perfect first boyfriend, the guy that the whole town had been rooting for and he felt like he was nothing in comparison and it sucked, but knowing that he and Rory were involved after that really made him realise that he was yet again bested by Dean.

"No, I didn't want to see him again. It was a mistake. I didn't love him, not then not ever again."

"He was your first, I didn't know that."

She nodded, "He was my first and at the time I was stupid enough to think that was some kind of sign from the universe telling me that he had always been the right fit for me, but he wasn't, he wasn't even from the same puzzle."

Jess smiled at that, maybe he had won this time. Maybe he had finally become the man that Rory needed to complete her puzzle. He felt comfort by that.

"So, Logan huh..." He started off on a new topic, Rory sighed nodding her head.

"Logan." She repeated.

"Why didn't you marry him, when he asked?"

"I didn't think I could spend the rest of my life with him."

"Could you spend it with me?" He asked curiously.

"I will Jess." She told him, squeezing his hand gently. "You know I will."

"I know." He confirmed, trying not to show the giant smile that threatened to cover his face.

"You haven't written about me yet."

Rory nodded, she had wanted the Jess portion of her book to be perfect, she wanted it to reflect the way they were and how they fit together, she knew exactly what she wanted to say but was struggling to find a way to say it, she was hoping to leave it to last, that way she wouldn't have to worry about other unfinished storylines and could devote all her time into recreating their story onto the pages of her new masterpiece.

"I'm still deciding where to start."

"How about you start here." He whispered, before swooping in to kiss her.

"Here sounds perfect." She whispered between kisses, it wasn't long before Jess had abandoned her lips and was marking his way down her neck.

She closed her eyes, lost in her feelings, he was humming along to himself as he planted kisses along her sensitive skin.

"Jess?" She asked just as he was about to descend onto her shoulders.

"hmm?" He asked, his lips not leaving her skin.

"Were you the one who emailed Logan?" She whispered, causing him to move back up to eye level.

"What?" He asked, clearly shocked.

"Logan, he mentioned that I had emailed him wanting to catch up before he left town. I just thought maybe you had sent that, since I didn't."

Jess shook his head, "It wasn't me Rory."

She nodded, "Okay I believe you." She said with a sweet little smile, she pressed her lips against his and kissed him affectionately.

Rory was sound asleep, and even though it was only five in the afternoon, Jess knew better than to wake her. He walked out of their room and closed the door behind him. A shiver ran over his body as he was only wearing his boxers. He sat down on the sofa, phone in hand and dialled the most recently dialled number.

"Hello Liz speaking." The voice on the other end croaked, she sounded tired or sick. He pulled the phone away from his ear and ended the call. He stared aimlessly at the TV a while, hoping the time would pass quickly, he didn't want to wake his beautiful girlfriend up, but he didn't like feeling alone. He wandered over to the fridge, and grabbed a sticky note that Rory had pinned to it. Florence Bishop's phone number was scrawled across the paper in bold letters, he started to dial.


	9. Chapter 9

Jess' appointments had gone from once a week to once every two, it's not that he was becoming lazy or just didn't want to go. Dr Bishop could see his progress, and he no longer needed weekly sessions. At the last session, Jess had opened up about his mother, he confessed that he had been calling her, listening to her voice and hanging up.

"Why do you hang up?" She asked him, he shrugged not willing to answer her to begin with. She assumed that maybe he didn't have a clear answer, maybe he just didn't know what to say. She didn't push him, she waited watching his brows go up and down as he thought about it.

"It's like I have the power to talk or to hang up and I choose to hang up every time." He confessed, relief washing over his face as he felt the chip fall from his shoulders.

He already knew what she was going to say next, he had prepared himself for this.

"Maybe you should talk to her next time."

He remembered that conversation as he sat in his living room, Rory was out shopping, it was the first time he had been alone in a while. He had talked himself into dialling six times, hanging up every attempt, sometimes even before she had even answered. This was the seventh, he was kicking himself for being such a coward but this time he was determined he wouldn't chicken out.

"Hello?" She asked on the other line, he panicked pulling the phone away from his ear. He shook, physically his whole body was plagued by a slight shaking, his hands, his legs, he didn't even know why. "Hello?" Liz repeated, "Is this the wrong number or something?" He could hear her voice from the other end, he pressed the receiver back to his ear. "You selling something?" She asked, still on the line. If it were him, he'd have yelled and hung up by now.

A deep breath exhaled past his lips. "Mom." He spoke shakily, gripping the phone tightly.

"Jess?" Her voice changed, he could hear her choking on her tears.

"Don't cry, please just don't." He told her, shaking his head.

"Okay, I'll try." She promised. "It's nice hearing your voice." She whispered, he listened to the sounds of her sniffing against what he assumed was a tissue.

"If you're going to cry, I'll just call you back some other time."

"No, I'm not crying." She insisted, and Jess rolled his eyes, thankful she couldn't see him.

"So, how're things in Stars Hollow?" He asked awkwardly, not really know where this conversation was headed. He just needed to talk to her, as stupid as it sounded, it helped hearing her voice.

"They're good, your sister has been asking about you a lot." She told him, Jess smiled, he hadn't had much to do with his sister over the years but Luke was always talking about her, updating him. They'd met a few times, even talked on the phone during the times when she was staying with Lorelai and Luke.

"Oh yeah? What's she been saying?" He asked, flopping himself down on the sofa.

Liz cleared her throat, looking over towards the fridge, a painting of Doula and Jess displayed right there in the middle. "She wants to call you sometime, she wants to get to know her big brother."

"I hope she's not expecting me to be a Luke." Jess told her, knowing how big of an influence Liz's own brother had on her life.

"She wants you to be Jess, her big brother, nothing more, nothing less."

He liked the sound of that, being someone's big brother, someone's Jess. He had seen Rory with Gigi, despite their age difference, they still got along alright. He longed for that kind of relationship, a family.

"When does she get home from school?" He asked, considering the idea in his head.

"3:30." Liz told him, a smile on her tired face.

"I'll give her a call." He promised.

"She'll love that, she will. Thank-you Jess." He could hear the emotion in her voice, she was happy. He could just about picture the smile on her face, the way her eyes crinkled when she was truly pleased about something.

"Okay, well I'll call back in a few hours alright?"

"Yeah, okay Jess. Thanks for the call." She sounded disappointed, but he wasn't going to dwell on it.

"Bye Mom."

He stared at the wall, not sure of how he was feeling, he knew he only had a few minutes before Rory would walk in the front door, her arms full of shopping bags, he would rush to help her, and they'd talk about mall madness and he'd forget to mention the phone call completely. He could see it now, he hated that he knew himself so well.

A banging outside of the apartment interrupted his self pitying. He rushed to open the door, Rory was suffering from too many bags, not enough arms. He relieved her, grabbing more than half of her purchases.

"Did you leave anything in the stores?" He teased, dropping the bags down on the sofa, standing back to inspect the scene.

"A few boring things." She joked, wrapping her arms around his waist. He melted into her touch, immediately calming by her presence.

"What did you get up to while I was gone?" She asked him curiously.

"Nothing too exciting, but you've got to show me what's in those bags."

She smiled, letting go of his body as she started explaining all of her purchases, he smiled watching her excitement as she showed him all the baby things she bought for her baby brother, he quickly imagined having to buy a new house just to fit all the baby things she would buy when they had their own children.

"I know I went overboard, but they're just so cute." She gushed, pulling things from bags left right and centre.

"I talked to Liz."

She stopped talking, her eyes fell onto his face. He couldn't believe he had actually said those words out loud. It was too late to take it back now.

"I'm going to call Doula after school."

"Aww, I'm happy for you. She adores you." She smiled, squeezing his arm.

He nodded, a small smile appeared on his face.

The phone started ringing before either of them could say another word. Jess moved away, assuming it was for him.

Rory began searching through bags, reminding herself of the purchases she'd made.

"Rory" Jess called over to her, she turned toward him, dropping the onesie onto the sofa.

"Your mom's in labor."


	10. Chapter 10

Rory tapped her feet against the legs of the chair, Jess tried to ignore her fidgeting but it was constant, it was annoying. He rested his hand on her knee, keeping her leg still, she looked over to him apologetically.

He nodded, knowing that waiting wasn't her specialty. He took his book out from his back pocket, the creased cover and pages would drive many people crazy but he liked the way books felt when they'd been worn out. It gave them character, it just proved that he'd read it at least 12 times.

Rory began picking at her fingernails, it wasn't a habit she had partaken in for a while, but she was nervous. Her mother was down one of these halls pushing a tiny human out of her body and Rory couldn't help being a little stressed out.

There was a commotion around the corner, the nurse's station. Yelling, Jess tilted his book down, watching the other people in the waiting room. None of them seemed to be bothered, it was as if they were used to it. He watched one of the nurses walking past, her eyes rolled as if she had seen it all before.

Rory gasped, "Oh no." She said shaking her head. He cocked an eyebrow upward, looking at his girlfriend. She was muttering to herself, he couldn't quite hear what she was mustering.

"Oh no, no, no, no." She was getting louder, he jumped as she latched onto his arm.

"What?" He asked in confusion.

"She's not." She shook her head again, leaving her seat and walking towards the corner of the hallway. Jess smirked as Rory jumped back, her body resting upon the wall, her face alarmed. He laughed, as the eyes popped out of her head.

"We have to leave" She whispered, rushing back towards him.

"Why? Your mom is here, we can't just leave."

"My mom isn't in the waiting room, we can find another." She told him, trying to pull him out of his seat. He dug his feet into the floor, making her fall backward.

"There she is." Paris Gellar called out, pointing towards the couple. Jess' face filled with panic.

"I see your point." He told Rory sheepishly, she looked at him angrily, turning around to face Paris.

"Hey Paris, I didn't know you worked here." She said warmly as her friend neared.

"Well it won't be for much longer, the incompetence of this place is astounding." She rambled, completely ignoring Jess in the process.

"Don't you have work to do?" Jess interrupted her, the crazed woman snapped her head around to face him.

"Glad to see Rory picked beauty over brains." She quipped, turning back to her prior best friend.

"Jess might have put it rudely, but I'm sure there are more important things you should be doing right now?" Rory asked anxiously.

Paris scoffed, "Yeah, working after my shift, they'd love that."

"Oh." Rory nodded, too scared to give Jess a look.

"How did you know I was here?" came the next question.

"Your mom is giving birth, where else would you be?" Paris asked as if it were the stupidest question she'd ever heard.

Rory sighed, of course she'd heard about that. It was Paris, there was little that girl didn't know. She turned to Jess and smiled, "Jess, could you maybe go and get me a coffee or something?" She asked, giving him an out. He nodded, mumbling, "Sure." Before walking off down one of the many hallways, she turned her attention back onto Paris, sitting herself back down awkwardly.

"So, you and Jess are back on?" Paris asked, her face softening. Rory could feel her cheeks warming as she nodded her head.

"Yeah, we are." She stated the obvious.

Paris smiled, "I remember what it felt like to be deliriously in love, just wait until he puts on 50 pounds and forgets to do the laundry."

Rory's smile faded, "You and Doyle doing okay Paris?" She asked, suddenly concerned.

"Doyle and I are fine, although we're down to only have sex twice a week. I think he has other interests."

Rory frowned, twice a week! If that was a bad thing, she hated to think what Paris would say about her own relationship. They could go weeks without the time or the mood being right.

"Is he still writing?" Paris asked, keen to keep the conversation going, Rory nodded, filling her in on their lives. She started off with her own writing, and how Jess was mainly an editor now, Paris listened, nodded her head occasionally. Rory was surprised at how silent and un-opinionated Paris was being during the conversation.

Rory was just about to tell Paris all about Jess' new idea for a co-written book when Paris reached out and grabbed her left hand, "Paris, what are you doing?" Rory laughed awkwardly as she tried to break her hand free.

"You're not engaged?" Paris asked, clearly she had assumed otherwise.

"I mean, not officially. Why?"

"The way you're talking, I assumed you were tying the knot soon."

Rory frowned, was Paris really judging her right now?

"We're working on the details, we're going to get married okay?" Grumpy Rory was starting to surface.

"Okay." Paris defended, holding her hands out in surrender.

If she wanted to wear the ring, she would wear it. Rory told herself, the ring didn't define the relationship did it? She pondered, as a familiar set of faces came into view.

"Rory, you're here!" Liz exclaimed, walking over to the started young woman.

"Oh, hi." Rory said politely, slightly panicked as to what Jess would do when he returned.

"I was just talking to Luke the other day, I told him this kid was gonna come early, didn't I TJ?" She turned to her husband who was nodding proudly.

Rory smiled sweetly, not knowing how to act around the mother of her boyfriend. She just hoped he would come back soon, before they interrogated her.

Paris had offered to find out what she could about Lorelai, so Rory was even more alone with her future in-laws than she would have liked to be.

Jess passed her coffee, she hadn't even noticed his return, he sat down beside of her, smiling awkwardly as Liz welcomed him.

"Calm down Mom, we're in a hospital." He hissed, clearly embarrassed by her re-enactment of the conversation she had recently had with her brother. She apologised and sunk into an empty chair, finishing her story in a whisper.

"Where'd Scary Spice go?" He whispered to Rory, who started smiling.

"She went to see how my mom's doing." She told him, looking over to Doula who was coloring quietly on the floor. Jess followed her gaze.

"She looks like you." Rory told him, linking her fingers with his. Jess nodded, watching his little half sister and smiled.

"She's going to have all the boys chasing her, is that what you're saying?" He teased.

Rory chuckled, "That's exactly what I was implying, can't get anything past you." She joked back.

"Hey Doula." Jess called over to her, "What're you drawing?" He asked when she looked up at him.

She held her notebook up and showed him, a portrait of stick people stared back at him. "Is that us?" He asked and she nodded.

"Which one am I?" Rory asked her, motioning the little girl to come over.

She began pointing at figures and explaining who each and every one was, Jess was impressed, especially when she pointed to a tall stick man, "Who is that one?" He asked her, "That's your daddy." She said proudly, "Mommy said that he lives far away and you don't get to see him much. So I put him here so you can see him."

Rory awed, giving Jess a cute look.

Paris returned a few moments later, sitting down beside Rory once again. "I didn't want to interrupt your little family reunion, but Lorelai is still in labour, they're saying she could still be a few more hours yet."

Rory groaned, nudging Jess. "We might as well go and stretch our legs, we could be here a while." She told him, thanking Paris for helping.

"I'll text you if anything changes." Paris promised as the couple walked down the hall hand in hand.

"That was nice, Doula drawing Jimmy."

"I'm surprised my mom even mentioned him, when I was a kid he was the forbidden conversation."

"I think she's changed a lot." Rory told him, squeezing his hand gently.

"She has." He agreed.

They continued in silence for a while, playing with each other's fingers, walking down hallways and around corners, Rory had almost forgotten her nerves from earlier, she was calmer than before.

They stopped at the chapel, sitting down on one of the chairs. Rory hummed, holding back a yawn.

"I want to marry you." Jess spoke without hesitation, he looked into her eyes and said it again, "I want to marry you, and to be your husband."

Rory felt a lump in her throat forming, she didn't know what to say, or if she could say anything at all.

"I'm not going to be that jerk that runs away or breaks up with you if you don't want the same, but I want you to know that I've wanted a lot of things in my life, but this beats out the rest."

Rory smiled, her eyes turning into watery messes, she kissed the back of his hand and reached over to cup his face, he continued staring into her blue eyes, his own eyes milky and melting against hers.

"Are you asking me again?" She whispered, still looking into his eyes, Jess didn't speak, her finger trapping his words inside. "Because if you are, I'm saying yes." She told him, tears falling unwillingly down her face, erupting into her lap. Jess closed his eyes, smiling from ear to ear. He opened them only to find she was still staring at his.

"Rory, will you please marry me?" He whispered, biting his lip as he waited for her response.

She nodded, "I will." Her voice shook, but it didn't matter, she kissed his lips lovingly, her hands gripping the back of his head, he kissed her tenderly, letting his lips do the talking, They kissed and kissed until they couldn't breathe.

"I love you." Rory whispered as their foreheads stood together, Jess played with her fingers, imagining the ring wrapped around that very special one.

"I love you too." He told her sweetly, remembering the day he told her that for the very first time, the day he ran away cowardly. He vowed he would never do that again and there he was, with that same girl in front of him, wanting to be with him for the rest of her life. He didn't know what he'd done to deserve the girl of his dreams, but there she was, and there he was too. It felt like he was floating in the air above them, watching it all happen below.

"Maybe we should go back to our family." Rory finally whispered, _**our family**_. She had said, and that made Jess' heart flutter. No matter how complicated his relationship with his mother was, to hear Rory call her family made him feel like he'd finally done something right.


End file.
